Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I'm Sorry

In my world, insanity is discouraged.

There is currently a bigass line between what’s right and what’s wrong, and ‘sane’ and ‘insane’ are on opposite sides.

On the right-hand side you have things like, religion. Or structured family values, heteronormative society, and women being docile and making sandwiches (generally, being the female in the boy-girl relationship that has been stripped of its cooties).

On the wrong side, is everything else.

And if it’s wrong, it’s my fault. So I’ve assembled a little list of my faults and how sorry I should be of them!

1. There is no controllable reason behind mental illness, it’s just there… But if I have it, it’s my fault. It’s just like cancer or skin colour, it’s a choice. So, I’m sorry for having depression.

2. I’m not particularly religious. I don’t care to know that I’m going to hell for eating pork or going out on Sundays or because I don’t believe in malicious skygods and I do believe in aliens. So, I’m sorry for having a different (but not less valid) opinion.

3. I have bad tan lines. So, I’m sorry for removing my shirt and confusing people who can’t figure out where my bra strap went.

4. I swear. Like, a lot. So, if there are any minors in the room, watch and learn. Now, repeat after me, everybody: ‘fuck, fucking, fucked,’ ‘fuckity fucking fucker.’ So, I guess I’m sorry for that, too.

5. I’m gayer than Richard Simmons, but less in the spandex from head-to-toe kind of way and more in the raging dyke homo lesbian kind of way. So, I’m sorry for corrupting the minds of your young children and making my Barbies fall in love with each other.

6. I take care of society and the people it’s left behind. So I’m sorry for trying to shelter homeless youth, I’m sorry for taking random strangers out for lunch and I’m very, VERY sorry for giving out those free hugs on Granville every week. I just don’t know what came over me.

7. I smile at people. So, I’m sorry for breaking the fourth wall.

8. I give up my seat on the bus/skytrain for those who need it more. This includes the elderly, injured, special needs and children. This does NOT include gangstas who need to put up their feet or take a separate seat for their sagging pants. Being a moron is not a legal disability. So, I’m sorry for being considerate.

9. I don’t take shit from people, so if you walk by me and my friends on the street and call us faggots you bet I’m going to whip around and hurl the nearest conveniently placed beverage at your sorry ass. So, I’m sorry for standing up for myself and others.

Finally, number 10. I apologize when I make mistakes.

You know, I’m actually sorry for a lot, but now that I think about it... I’m not sorry for being insane. I’m sorry that I felt like I had to conform for so long.

Kids, take another lesson. The next time someone tells you you’re not normal, you just tell them,

‘Fuck you, and fuck your normalcies.’

The insane have more fun anyway!

So, I’m not sorry I’m insane. I’m sorry you’re not.

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